


Wanna Go Out With Me?

by Transparent_Reminder



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Beauty and the Beast (mentioned), Crack, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Kidnapping, M/M, Misunderstandings, Romantic Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-29
Updated: 2018-08-29
Packaged: 2019-07-04 05:42:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15834915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Transparent_Reminder/pseuds/Transparent_Reminder
Summary: Koschei wants to ask Theta out on a date but doesn't know how until he watches Beauty and the Beast, afterwards he decides that Belle fell in love with the Beast while she was his prisoner so he should kidnap Theta!  (Fluff and Crack)  - Academy Era -





	Wanna Go Out With Me?

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a stupid crack fic i wrote, don't take it seriously. For real, kidnapping anyone's a bad idea. ;p

Koschei Oakdown, a young Time Lord still in the Academy was sat in his Temporal Physics class, tuning out Borusa’s lecture. Instead of his lesson he was more focused on his friend Theta Sigma sitting in front of him, staring out the window in boredom.

 

With his messy golden curls, warm tanned skin and shining chocolate eyes Theta was, in Koschei’s opinion (which he himself viewed as the only important opinion, other than Theta’s) absolutely perfect.

 

Watching his friend brush some hair out of his eyes Koschei positively _swooned_ and continued drawing little hearts in his textbook.

 

If there was one thing that Koschei wanted more than anything it was to go on a date with Theta Sigma. The only problem was that he had no idea how to make that dream into a reality. How could he make his best friend go out with him?

 

By the end of class Koschei was still pondering that question as he walk out with Theta, half listening to his ramblings about that little planet he liked so much, Earth.

 

Now that got him thinking, Theta liked Earth a lot so maybe if he asked him out like humans do? He would probably like that. But how did humans ask each other out on dates? Koschei wasn’t sure but he knew he could probably needle that information out of Theta. After all, he seemed to know everything about humans, Koschei just needed to be subtle while figuring it out.

 

-

 

“So what do you wanna watch?” Theta asked, turning to face Koschei where he sat next to him on the floor of their shared dorm.

 

That instant Koschei’s eyes lit up, this was his chance! Clearing his throat he determinedly answered, “One of your Earth movies.”

 

Theta looked astounded, “Really? You never want to see the Earth ones, why do you want to see one now?”

 

Shifting awkwardly Koschei hurriedly stammered out “Uh, well, I mean, I want to –to see one. Like, now.”

 

The other boy raised an eyebrow at him and Koschei turned away, hoping Theta hadn’t seen his blush.

 

“Alright, um… I’ve got a few here like… oh! This one! This is one of my favorite’s!” Theta rambled, pulling out a plastic case with a bright case, it’s font proudly announcing its title to be ‘Beauty and the Beast’.

 

Tilting his head like a confused cat (not that he knew what a ‘cat’ was, at least by human specifications) Koschei asked curiously “Beauty and the Beast? What’s that?”

 

His ignorance on the subject only seemed to enthuse Theta as he began ranting, “It’s this really great animated movie from the19…80s? 90s? Sometime around then. It’s about this girl Belle who ends up being held in the Beast’s castle and they fall in love and it’s really romantic!”

 

Romantic? Koschei knew now that whatever this Earth movie did was exactly how he needed to ask Theta out. Grinning he nodded to his friend and said, “Ok, let’s watch that.”

 

-

 

Quietly padding through the halls Koschei made his way to Ushas’s room. He had just finished watching ‘Beauty and the Beast’ with his friend and he knew what he had to do. He needed to kidnap Theta. That was why he was going to see Ushas; he needed something to knock the other boy out with.

 

He stood in front of her door for a moment hesitantly before lifting his hand to knock. Before he could though the door slammed open and Ushas grabbed him by the front of his robes dragging him inside before he could say a word.

 

Once in her room he was shoved aside as she quickly and efficiently locked the multitude of locks she had on the inside of her door. After a moment she whipped around and demanded, “What do you want and what do I get out of it?”

 

Wincing he stammered out, “Uh, I kind of need something to knock Th- someone! To knock someone out with, um, I can pay?”

 

Taking a few steps forward Ushas stared intently into his eyes from only a few inches from his face, cornering him against the wall after a tense few moments she said, “I’ve got some trichloromethane I don’t need.”

 

Nodding nervously Koschei asked her warily, “How much do you want?”

 

Pulling away she turned and began rummaging through her desk drawers in the process hauling out a myriad of items such as various scientific tools, mostly to do with genetic engineering and neurochemistry along with some chemicals and compounds of various levels of legality. Turning her head slightly she stated like a fact, “You’re going to knock out Theta Sigma.”

 

He felt his the blood rush to his cheeks and he was fairly certain he was as red in the face as his standard issue Academy robes. Koschei turned away in embarrassment and stuttered out, “Uh, you- you don’t know that! I- I might not be!”

 

Ushas paused her digging through her drawers and turned around giving him a flat stare before returning to her search.

 

Shifting from foot to foot Koschei glanced around her room. There was an exorbitant amount scientific machinery and equipment; because of _course_ she was not satisfied with only using the Academy’s provided tools and equipment. There were also numerous containers with what appeared to be abominations against nature that (not that he’d ever admit it) unnerved him slightly.

 

Finally Ushas appeared to have found what she had been searching for and shoved a cloth and a small bottle and shoved them into his hands before forcefully pushing him out the door. Before she could close it Koschei spoke up hurriedly, “Don’t I have to pay you or something?”

 

Pausing she fixed him under her blank gaze and said, “Kiss him.”

 

“Wha-“

 

“Theta, go and kiss Theta.”

 

“Why do you-?”

 

“I have a bet.” And without another word the door was slammed in his face and heard the locks being closed.

 

Koschei simply stood there for a few moments, gaping in shock. Closing his mouth with an audible click he turned and walked off with a dazed expression on his face.

 

-

 

Theta Sigma was walking mindlessly along outside, brushing his fingers along trees as he past. Turning his gaze up to the vibrant orange sky he stared up at the clouds.

 

There was an odd rustling noise behind him in the bushes and he turned to look but there was nothing there. Frowning Theta continued his walk, he felt like someone was watching him and he was fairly certain he was being followed. He figured he ought to just wait and see what they wanted, they hadn’t done anything yet and if he needed to he _was_ a fast runner and could escape but it was still a tad unnerving.

 

Only a few minutes later someone unexpectedly leapt onto his back, wrapping their legs around his waist and shoved a strong smelling cloth in front of his mouth and nose. After struggling futilely for a few moments Theta Sigma collapsed onto the red grass. All he saw was a shadow over him and then he slipped into unconsciousness.

 

-

 

Koschei Oakdown stood with grease paint on his face and leaves in his hair and on his clothes, triumphantly starring down at the unconscious body of his best friend.

 

Puffing out his chest proudly he grabbed one of Theta’s arms and began to drag him back in the direction of their shared room.

 

Not much later Koschei began to realize that maybe he should have knocked Theta out a little _closer_ to their room. He was… heavier than anticipated and Koschei wasn’t nearly as strong as he thought he was.

 

Slowly but surely he made his way to the edge of the trees and was about to rush towards the Academy’s doors when Borusa stepped out of the building.

 

Not knowing what else to do Koschei promptly shoved his unconscious friend into a bush and stood up straight, adjusting his robe as his teacher turned to glance at him. Borusa raised an eyebrow and stared briefly at Koschei in confused exasperation.

 

Koschei fidgeted nervously as Borusa walked towards him and asked, “Oakdown… what are you doing?”

 

“Um, I uh, I-I don’t know what your talking about.” Koschei replied shiftily.

 

Borusa merely gave him an unimpressed stare before deadpanning, “Yes because you’re panting while covered in leaves with… what is that, grease paint? On your face and you expect me to believe you’re not up to anything? You and that Sigma boy are always getting into some sort of trouble.”

 

“I’m not doing anything, sir.” Koschei answered disappointedly, he’d thought his disguise was quite good.

 

Starring at him for a few moments Borusa decided he didn’t even want to know and strolled off, shaking his head.

 

Sighing in relief Koschei hauled Theta out of the bush, wincing as his friend’s robes caught on the branches, pulling him free with a sharp tug that ripped his clothes.

 

After some awkward maneuvering he managed to get Theta back to their room where he dumped him onto the floor and collapsed on the ground next to him, panting like he’d out run a pack of Sephta; sweat running down his face, streaking his grease paint.

 

Once he’d caught his breath Koschei realized he had to put his friend somewhere and that was when he realized he hadn’t entirely thought his plan through. Glancing around the room in contemplation his gaze landed on their closet.

 

For lack of any other solutions Koschei dragged Theta into the closet when a thought occurred to him, if he was kidnapping his friend then he should probably tie him up. After all, that was how kidnappings went, wasn’t it? The Beast in that ‘movie’ had held Belle as a sort of prisoner essentially and since Koschei couldn’t do that the next best thing was a kidnapping and in kidnapping the person was tied up. And for Theta it needed to be authentic.

 

Conviction settling into his _bones,_ Koschei grabbed a pair of pants and used them to tie Theta’s hands together as tightly as he could before getting into the closet himself, closing the door behind him.

 

-

 

Theta woke up slowly, information coming back to him in chunks. He knew he’d been taking a walk when… someone was… following him? And then… they’d knocked him out!

 

Waking up fully with an alarmed jolt Theta looked around. He was in a… closet? Wait was this _his_ closet? And… Koschei???

 

Sure enough his best friend was staring at him intently with his big blue eyes from where he sat across from him in the cramped closet.

 

“Kos???” Theta mumbled in confusion, tugging at his bonds.

 

It was then that Koschei realized he had no idea what he was going to say. Fidgeting awkwardly he turned red in the face and stammered, “Um, hi…”

 

“What’s going on? Did you- did you kidnap me???” Theta asked him incredulously, starring at him in disbelief.

 

Shifting awkwardly he relied with a short, “Uh, yeah.”

 

Theta just stared at him for a few moments not knowing what to say. He opened his mouth but no words came out.

 

His brain finally caught up with him and he blurted out, “What? _Why???_ I can’t believe you’ve done this.”

 

“Kidnapped you?”

 

“No not that, I meant how you ripped my robe” Theta said sarcastically, rolling his eyes “Of course I mean how you kidnapped me!”

 

Koschei got even redder in the face, muttering, “I wanted to surprise you…”

 

“Well you certainly did that…” Theta murmured.

 

“What did you say?”

 

“Nothing, it’s just… did you- did you have to tie me up???”

 

Koschei straightened up seemingly regaining some of his confidence, “It had to be authentic.” He said, nodding enthusiastically.

 

“ _Authentic?_ _Authentic?!_ What on Gallifrey are you talking about!” Theta asked, almost afraid of what the answer would be.

 

“Um, well, you see…”

 

“Yes?”

 

“I- I wanted to ask you out!” Koschei blurted, squeezing his eyes shut so he wouldn’t see his friend’s reaction.

 

“You wanted to ask me out so you _kidnapped_ me???”

 

“Yeah…” Koschei mumbled, hiding his face in his hands.

 

Theta blinked in confusion before asking in an astonished tone, completely flabbergasted, “ _Why_?”

 

Peaking out from between his fingers Koschei responded shiftily, “In that human movie… that one with the Beast, he held Belle as a sort of prisoner… you said it was romantic. I couldn’t do that… b-but the next best thing was a kidnapping! ‘Cause you said it was romantic and- and that must mean it’s how those humans you like so much ask each other out… so I thought you might, I don’t know… like it…?”

 

“I…” Theta was stunned. He hadn’t quite expected something like that but… it was rather sweet… “You wanna go on a date?” He asked in amusement.

 

“Uh, yeah! I-If you want, I mean.” Koschei stammered, looking away in embarrassment.

 

Thinking for moment Theta nodded, saying, “You better untie me first.”

 

“R-Really!?”

 

“Yup” Theta confirmed, “But first…” he suggested, holding up his tied hands.

 

“Oh! Um, right!” Koschei exclaimed, hurriedly untying his friend.

 

“Right.” Theta said, getting up and offering a hand to Koschei, which he accepted.

 

Theta made to lead him out but before he did he stopped, making a little “Oh!” sound before turning around and giving Koschei a peck on the lips that made both boys blush furiously.

 

Smiling like loons the two of them walked out of the closet together, Theta asking, “So where _did_ you get whatever you knocked my out with?”

**Author's Note:**

> I guess you could say now they're... out of the closet? ;D


End file.
